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 Review #4775331 |
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| Hello, Ang1974! This is a "Fox's Socks Newbie Poetry Contest" judge's review! Overall Impression:The simplicity of the poem conveys the emotional weight of depression in a way that feels raw and personal. Form, Rhythm, Cadence, and Style:Your poem shows promise in capturing the inner conflict of depression, and the straightforward lines make it accessible to a wide variety of readers. It is easy to empathize with the speaker's longing for relief in a sea of hopelessness. The basic ABAB rhyme scheme gives it a sense of structure, but the rhythm is uneven at times, and the pacing is off in the last stanza. It results in the last two lines feeling rushed, and the closing rhyme feeling forced. The short stanzas work well enough, but refining the cadence would enhance the emotional impact. Content:The use of imagery, like "become one with her bed" is especially effective in that it communicates the desire to escape coupled with the comfort of isolation. Invisible enemies are powerful and the isolation and confusion of depression is clearly demonstrated. Grammar and Mechanics:Overall, the grammar is solid, but rewording some sections can heighten the poem's emotion for greater impact. For example, "crappy" is not necessarily the wrong word to describe how she feels, but at the same time, it feels out of place in terms of tone, resulting in the feeling of a rushed ending and forced line. Final Thoughts:This is a promising start to a deeply emotional poem that will resonate with many readers. Thank you for sharing your work with us! Jayne   My approach to reviews: "I'll Explain, but not Disclaim"
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