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Review #4775534
Viewing a review of:
 What's Under the Bed  [18+]
A big brother and a little brother and somewhere a monster
by Winchester Jones
Review by JACE
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
An Angel Army Review


Hi Winchester Jones .

I'm JACE , and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "What's Under the Bed" .

I invite your attention to the comments below. Please bear in mind these notes are from one on the outside looking in; ultimately only you can decide what's right for your story.

*Note1* Overall Impression. Hi. I found your story on the Read & Review feature in the Navigation Menu.

You wrote a short contest entry including a few Bolded words, which I surmised were prompts that should be mentioned. Of course, that's a guess without an Author's note containing a link to a specific contest. This is just a personal observation as a reader.

The story is about two brothers and a mother with a strong aversion to the boys swearing. Unfortunately, the older boy, Larry, does utter such a word and tries to enlist his younger brother, Ted, not to tell mom. The original conversation that spawned the bad word now provides the means to stop Ted from telling mom. What's a little blackmail between brothers?

Nice twist; very believable as very similar occurrences occurred among my own brothers growing up. Kind of a routine thing, I think.

I'm afraid you confused me with the different formats of 'boogyman'. You also had 'boogymen' and 'bogymen'. Are these spelled properly? I lost the thread at the end because of this.

*Exclaim* Technical and Editorial Considerations. In this section I normally list those areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing--punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc.

Other than the 'boogyman' issue, I found no problems with your grammar and punctuation.

*Star* My Rating.  4.0. 

*Heart* Thank you for sharing this offering. Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.


Reviewed by
JACE

Non-Animated Angel Army Signature



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 09/11/2024 @ 8:53pm EDT
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4775534