%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4776575 |
 | When Doves Cry  [13+] *She gets the news of her husband's passing in Iraq  |
| An Angel Army Review Hi iKïyå§ama . I'm JACE  , and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "When Doves Cry" . I invite your attention to the comments below. Please bear in mind these notes are from one on the outside looking in; ultimately only you can decide what's right for your story.  Overall Impression. Good morning, Kiya. I found your item on the site's Read & Review feature.This was indeed one of the most poignant stories I've read in quite some time. I know you had a prompt from which to work, but you covered it completely. Using italics for the caller and regular font for Mrs. DeLois sets the stage well. It's very easy to follow. One point that struck me--military notifications are not done by phone. Each service assigns two or more people to make such notification in person. Having been part of such a team once, I recognize the awesome responsibility and the solemn nature. I was surprised that the prompt included a death by friendly fire. That certainly begs a number of questions from the family. But I suspect you had a certain number of words available for your entry. Remembering her husband as the caller drones on was very well written.  Technical and Editorial Considerations. In this section I normally list those areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing--punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc. At one point, you write: ... caressing the small and barely visible mound, knowing that yet another new life was going to be created. I thought the 'barely visible mound' meant she was already pregnant. This conflicted with the part 'new life was going to be created. At least in my mind. My Rating. 4.5.  Thank you for sharing this offering. Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.Reviewed by JACE   My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
|
|||
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
You responded to this review 09/18/2024 @ 1:27pm EDT