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Review #4776789
Viewing a review of:
 Ring Open in new Window. [E]
Flash Fiction
by Jacky Author Icon
Review of Ring  Open in new Window.
Review by JACE Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
An Angel Army Review


Hi Jacky Author Icon.

I'm JACE Author Icon, and I have the honor of reading and reviewing your offering "Ring" Open in new Window..

I invite your attention to the comments below. Please bear in mind these notes are from one on the outside looking in; ultimately only you can decide what's right for your story.

*Note1* Overall Impression. Greetings. I found your item on the site's Read & Review feature.

What an interesting storyline. I found it amusing to read. The 'Click' at the end reminded me of a telemarketer ending a call abruptly at the first sign on un-cooperation by the person being called. I know we've all had that experience before.

Your dialogue moved along smoothly. But some missing punctuation caused my reading to be interrupted at selected points. I've listed a couple places below. I find reading my stories out loud as a final edit helps to see those spots where something is a bit off.

May I suggest you change your title to something like R-R-Ring? Leaving it at Ring sends your reader in a totally different direction ... until he gets several lines in. I suppose you may have planned it this way.

*Exclaim* Technical and Editorial Considerations. In this section I normally list those areas that relate specifically to the mechanics of your writing--punctuation, grammar, spelling, etc.

         *Bullet* You need to make two sentences with a period after 'check'.   “Well we better check we don’t want to find out ..."  

         *Bullet* Adding commas to denote certain phrasings will help your reader. For example:  “Tricksy's, the store not the person you idiot.  “Tricksy's, the store, not the person, you idiot.

*Star* My Rating.  4.0.  An above average story that needs some more attention.

*Heart* Thank you for sharing this offering. Please accept these comments as offered in friendship and support. They are but my humble opinion.


Reviewed by
JACE

Non-Animated Angel Army Signature



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