Hello, Prier,

Here is a review for your "The Reluctant Heirloom"  per your request on the "Please Review".

You always have the last say on your work, and you are under no obligation to follow my suggestions.

Comments and Observations:

Such an emotional and yet thoughtful story! It beams with the moral responsibility shown by Jeffery while it explores themes of respect for the dead and the unexpected ways that lives can come together.

Descriptions are done with timely taste, such as the urn catching light in the dim room, the unease and despair felt by the main character especially after he couldn't get any of his neighbors to help, and the ending scene in which they scattered the ashes.

Jeffery as the main character is well drawn. His discomfort at discovering the ashes, his moral responsibility and his persistence makes him relatable. So relatable that I experienced a few moments of panic, thinking, "What would I do, if I were in Jeffery's position?"

The weight of death and how people respond to it in so many different ways and respect owed to the dead by others are the main themes, here. Then, you deftly showed how lives can connect with dignity and the right closure.

I'm wondering if Cathy's symbolic fear of the ashes in the urn could be explored more or if more of her anxiety can be blended into the plot, since her presence with Jeffery and Gerald while scattering the ashes into the ocean seems to have taken a too quick and unexplained turn at the end.

As to Gerald, his change internally from indifference to his vulnerability also felt too sudden to me. I'm wondering if it might feel more natural if some small hints were there earlier. That is to show that Gerald’s indifference was a front to protect himself from grief, maybe? Also, some backstory might help as to the relationship between the two brothers, Gerald and Harold.

I think, however, this is a very good story with a powerful punch as it is, and the remembrance and dignity for the dead with a powerful closure at the end shows the sensitivity of its writer, you.

Best wishes with all your work.







My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .