Emergency Escape [13+] You have to leave your home in a hurry, what three items are you taking with you? WC: 349 |
Greetings, Johnny, and thank you for requesting a review. I really enjoyed this. I can see you put a good bit of thought into the three things Samson chose to take with him, and it looks like it would make not only a great flash fiction but also the introduction to an exciting series or longer story. Now, the first thing I noticed is your title… I think the word “emergency” is misspelled. Second, I noticed you used at least three different words to identify Samson’s mom: “mums,” “mama,” and “mother.” Also, in the second paragraph she’s named Amber and in the next one she’s Samantha. Is the “mama” his grandmother? I know people use a ton of different pet names for their grannies, and it gets confusing sometimes, “Nana” and “Nona” and “gran-gran” and all that. You need to specify who she is exactly. Third, I didn’t quite catch what exactly the “hiking and hunting trips” were for if not for “hiking and hunting…” how exactly did Samson’s father misunderstand the purpose of them? I should think a sturdy knife would always be a good idea out in the wilderness (not that the Welsh wilderness is as threatening as the American version, I’m sure ) Aside from that, this was well written and an excellent little read. Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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