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Given: Sep 28, 2024 at 7:21pm
Length: 1,180 Characters |
1,177 w/o WritingML
Hi Emmanuel,
This is a wonderful chapter. The chapter opens with Sphe's opinions on love. This takes all the reader's attention and focuses it completely on him and the chapter. They will read on. This is a fantastic opening hook. The detail puts the reader all the way into the chapter. You have set up your plot and main characters very well for the reader. The dialogue is well done and realistic. The characters speak like real people. The chapter is well paced. It moves fast enough to keep all the reader's attention, yet it moves slowly enough to allow the reader to easily follow what is going on in the chapter. I did come across a couple of structural issues that need your attention:
1)People won't understand I feel suffocated when there is no romance in my life that's why I keep trying even when I get hurt.-Should read "People won't understand that I feel suffocated when there is no romance in my life. That's why I keep trying even when I get hurt."
2)mother in law,-Should read "mother-in-law"
The characters are well developed and believable. They come across as real people. Great job.
You last responded to this review 09/29/2024 @ 8:54am EDT
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