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 Review #4779132 |
 | Her Kept Promise  [13+] Daily Flash Fiction entry for 12/03/11WC 269  |
| (4.5)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: The story started all lovely and romantic, but that feeling quickly vanished when the main character sensed that something wasn’t right. She seemed to feel fearful for no reason, but it was enough to alert the readers that something was going on. But then there was the title, again, seemingly romantic and nice. Surely she was mistaken when she suspected something. He would be inside, preparing a nice surprise for her… It was only later that the readers realised that the woman who made the promise wasn’t the main character. I liked how you let the story develop, slowly at first, letting the readers believe one thing but at the same time hinting that it wasn’t what they thought. That’s not an easy thing to do in such a short story.  Suggestions: The story was well written and I didn’t notice any errors. I would, however, suggest choosing a couple more genres in addition to ‘Contest Entry’, which isn’t very descriptive. You don’t have to give anything away by picking ‘Death’ or ‘Dark’, but there are plenty of other choices that would be appropriate. It might also be a good idea to use the ‘description’ for something more, well, descriptive than simply saying that this was for the Daily Flash Fiction contest. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate it when I know what inspired a story so I would always recommend saying which contest it was written for, but I would put that information in the body of the story rather than the description so that you can use that part for something that makes the readers want to click on the story.  Final Thoughts: I thought the descriptions were nicely done. I could imagine the scene and the main character in it, as well as the two characters at the end. What I was missing was an emotional reaction to what happened, and I guess it was the word limit that stopped you from exploring how the main character handled it. There is something to be said for the story ending when it did, but there might be an opportunity to turn this into a longer tale - it would certainly lend itself to that. Just an idea   My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 10/03/2024 @ 9:35pm EDT