Hi, one review requested, one review incoming

Overall

This is an intriguing fantasy story with complex characters and an interesting magic system. The narrative explores themes of power, morality, and the consequences of using magic. However, there are some areas that could be improved for clarity and consistency.

A random reader, not knowing that it wasn't intended to be chronological from the outset, might find the jumps between different time periods confusing - maybe consider adding clear time markers at the beginning of each section, such as "13 years earlier" or "Present day."

While the main characters are intriguing, their motivations and backgrounds could be more clearly established early on. You could, for example, provide more context for the opposing views on magic earlier in the story to help readers understand the conflict.

Similarly, the magic system and societal structure are interesting but could benefit from more explicit explanation. You might, for example, include a brief explanation of the "Sons of Adam" and their relationship to magic and society when they're first mentioned.

And, there are a more than a few examples of awkward phrasing / typos / grammatical / punctuation issues that detract somewhat - that are not necessarily major, but 'irritating' nonetheless. Some examples include:

"Even that fine blade could do nothing against the raw power here. If left unchecked, that would bring down the dragon's justice."

This sentence pair is awkward and unclear. The pronoun "that" in the second sentence doesn't have a clear antecedent. It's not obvious if "that" refers to the blade, the raw power, or something else entirely (but, assuming the blade, it...).

"As Relemiah drew her breath, the metal around her wrists reached in and drained all the heat from her body, leaving her shivering."

This sentence is overly long and combines multiple actions in a confusing way. It would be clearer if broken into two sentences or restructured.

e.g. ..the metal around her wrists drew all the heat from her body, leaving her shivering.

"Relemiah sized up the enemy. Frail yet genteel, Milos seemed untouched by time. Quela looked aghast."

This is an example of poor sentence construction, it abruptly shifts in focus, and has no clear connection between ideas.

The sentences jump from Relemiah's perspective to a description of Milos, then suddenly to Quela's reaction without any transitions or context.

This creates a disjointed flow that can be confusing for the reader.

Rating? OK, but could be so much better.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .