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 Review #4781563 |
 |  | The End  [18+] A budding author struggles to write an ending for his book  |
| (4.5)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: This isn’t a new story but I found the title and short description intriguing. Besides, the genre fit the season, and although I’m not really much of a horror fan, I decided to give it a go. This is every writer’s worst nightmare. We tend not to be very kind to our characters - we wouldn’t have much of a story to tell if they all lived happy, uneventful lives. In this case, the main character took it to extremes. He didn’t just throw minor obstacles in his characters’ ways but he was downright evil to them. And they got their revenge. I loved how you told this story, especially the part when he got to the last chapter and found the story going in circles. A very clever idea. It really went downhill for the main character after that, and again, the ending (his end) was very original.  Suggestions: The story was very polished but I spotted one recurring error in the dialogue: "Peel his skin off," The assassin suggested. "Destroy his body from the inside," Moaned the fleshy creature. "Interesting," The entity mused. In each of these lines, the sentence continues after the speech (which ends with a comma) so the dialogue tag should begin with a lowercase letter. I also noticed that you use the same kind of sentence structure a lot. Earlier on in the story, you wrote Ray muttered/grumbled/chuckled and it was quite noticeable. At that point, the dialogue tags weren’t really necessary as Ray was on his own, so I would suggest doing away with them altogether and instead including the muttering, grumbling and chuckling in the action.  Final Thoughts: I probably shouldn’t take this story as inspiration, considering what happened to the writer, but all the tales you included here would make excellent prompts for stand-alone tales. Perhaps the ending would need to be amended a little or else the writer might risk the wrath of the characters! I thought this was a very original tale and I enjoyed the read.  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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