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 Review #4782073 |
 | An Order to Things: All in Due time  [E] Kay is confused when her "super power" isn't working right.  |
| (3.5)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: As I was getting close to the end of this story, I realised that there wasn’t going to be a conclusion. The main character wasn’t getting close to discovering the reason for her problem and the story didn’t have an ending, which was a shame because I wanted to find out why she had lost her powers. The premise was interesting, and it is the kind of superpower I would like myself. Who wouldn’t want to know in advance which road to take to avoid a traffic jam, or when to be somewhere to make something advantageous happen? Or in this case, how to go out with the boy she had a crush on. It all started well and looked like she was well on her way to success. Only it didn’t happen that way. Somehow, mysteriously, she had lost her power and nothing went to plan, which meant that she didn’t get to meet the boy when she was supposed to.  Suggestions: The main issue with this story is, obviously, that it wasn’t finished. We left the main character contemplating what might be wrong, but there is a lot more to come. If you ever finish this story, you might also want to take a look at a few errors: be married in year and a half There’s a word missing, “in a year” She didn't fixated on a schedule. “fixate” Kay being orphaned, again, this time at 13. I felt like I missed something here. I would suggest explaining how she was orphaned twice; without further details, this doesn’t make sense. Deciding that maybe the problem was that she wasn't getting enough sleep, she decided The repetition (deciding/decided) was quite noticeable here and I would recommend replacing one of them. they were all associate with “associated”  Final Thoughts: I think you have an interesting beginning here and I hope you finish it one day. You have clearly given this a lot of thought, and some parts just need a bit more detail for the readers to understand, like the part about her being orphaned ‘again’. I would also suggest choosing a few genres except ‘Other’ so the readers know what kind of story it is. “Mystery”, maybe? Overall, I enjoyed the read; I only wish I had found out why she had lost her powers!  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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