%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4782606 |
 | Twenty More  [13+] Contest entry waking up 20 years younger. How would I react. 711 WC. Received Merit Badge  |
| (4.5)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: Ooh, what an interesting concept! I love the idea and I took a moment to imagine how it must feel and how I would react. It’s one of those opportunities that sound fantastic at first, but when you think about it too much, you find it’s not necessarily all good. Like your narrator here figured out, it might mean that she would have to see loved ones die, like her children who might now die before her. That’s not a nice thought and I thought her reaction was very realistic. I loved her telephone conversation with her daughter who dismissed the idea (naturally) and suggested she should have a coffee and put her contacts in  It was easy for the daughter to react that way because she didn’t see her mother. The other children, I thought, should have reacted in some way to their mother being younger, unless they were glued to the TV or a game, or were just not very observant. Similarly, her work colleagues wouldn’t have just commented how well she looked. Twenty years is a lot of years to lose and the difference would have been inexplicable. It probably would have been too complicated (and wordy) to go into that so I understand your decision to gloss over it. The conversation with her mother was nicely done, and I made a mental note that if I am ever granted three wishes, my last one will be that I will never need anything again. What a great third wish!  Suggestions: This isn’t a new story so you might not be interested in edits, but in case you are, I noticed a few errors: I was still in the same place the date was the same according to the radio. You either need some punctuation (semicolon or period) or an “and” after “place” to connect the two independent sentences. I called and she assured me that she was fine she wanted to know what was going on. As above. I would suggest a period after “fine” and beginning a new sentence with “She”. I told her my hair was no longer black I wasn’t sure if this made sense. Usually hair turns grey as people age and I'm guessing that's what you meant. having a bad morning I should have some caffeine Same as the first two; again, I would suggest a period after “morning”. I went to work, everyone commented on how wonderful I looked. You could either change the comma to a period, add an “and” before “everyone”, or maybe better, begin the sentence with “When I went to work…” Was that really, what I wanted? You don’t need the comma here. Did your hair turn back to it’s natural color? You need “its” without the apostrophe, meaning “belonging to it”.  Final Thoughts: That looks like a lot of suggestions but they are all just minor errors. I thought this was a fun story and you explored the concept in quite a lot of detail, from the initial happiness to depression to acceptance and happiness again. Congratulations on the contest win and the merit badge!  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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