%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4782735 |
 | The Endless Train Ride  [E] Young girls love of the Summer train ride.  |
| (4.5)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: A very emotional coming-of-age story. The main character, a young girl who uses the train every year to travel home to her family, loves the journey and everything about the train. There were some beautiful descriptions, especially early on in the story - what she sees out of the window, the train itself, and her own special outfit which she requested, based on an old picture she saw on the train. It was nicely written and made it easy for the readers to imagine the scene. We also learned a bit about the character herself and the way she can see the magic in this journey, the symbolic meaning it has for her. The ending comes as a blow to her, and while change is inevitable, the readers feel for her in those moments when she can’t even enjoy the journey one last time.  Suggestions: I noticed a few errors, mainly punctuation issues: From getting the ticket punched to the counting of cars. She knew most everything about the trains you’d ever want to know. The first sentence is a fragment but I think it would work if you combined it with the second sentence using comma. The trip, four days long, became for Deja, four days to watch the sky on the move. I’m not sure if you need the comma after “Deja”. silos along side big I believe it’s one word, “alongside”. she could sat facing the passing world all day Either “she could sit” or “she sat”. She sat turning the pages of her notebook remembering, all their faces and their stories. Again, I don’t think there should be a comma after “remembering”.  Final Thoughts: I didn’t think I could be so interested in a train journey, but the way you described it made it memorable and I was invested in the fate of the girl. To me, it read like the tale was a metaphor for change being part of growing up, and I would have liked the main character to understand this at the end, perhaps in one final sentence where she wipes her tears to make sure she doesn’t miss her last journey, or something along those lines. It was a poignant and well written story, and I enjoyed the read.  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
|
|||
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
A Review from: "
You responded to this review 10/29/2024 @ 5:35pm EDT