Hello Mikibits

Here is a review for your "Glances" .

Comments and Observations:

Oh, I so appreciated this poem as soon as I finished reading it. Not at the beginning or rather the large middle part of it where you have the list of people in the coffee-shop, and this was only my fault because I couldn't see what you were up to, at first. Once I finished reading it, I caught on to your clever design of the poem and loved it very much. In fact, I think it is a lovely mosaic of silent connections among strangers in a public place.

The middle part where the customers are referred to one by one shows a flow of glances from one person to another, creating a chain of attraction; however, this is only subtly noticed by the people described. Also, each line builds on the previous one, hinting at the hidden desires that tie these people to the coffee shop and to one another. In addition, that middle-aged brunette comes back again at the end of this middle section, to show that it is she who is "quietly watching" the others. This gives a circular structure and much meaning to the middle part. It is as if we are watching the place through her eyes.

The sensory warmth of this coffee shop "with cakes and imagination" and the repetition of "glances" implied a tone of quiet longing to me, although I can't really tell if this was your intention. It works, however, very well. And it is eloquent, too.

I really don't want to make any suggestions since I am hesitant to play with what already works. However, if you wish, you might try and see if this could improve the poem, if it can: Some of the characters are more like types rather than people such as the "cute barista" or the "three-piece-suited regular." Not that there is anything wrong here, but I was wondering if small details could be added such as a unique gesture or expression to these types. This would make them more human and more relatable. But then, it is up to you to decide.

By the way, I don't know why you listed this poem among the genres as "nonsense." I don't think it is nonsense. In fact, it is a very good, meaningful poem, and I liked it a lot.

Suggestions on the text as to grammar, usage, and punctuation

I didn't see anything wrong in this area.

Best wishes with your work.



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .