Hi Luckie,

This is a wonderful story. The tone is tinged with peace and nervousness. It grabs all the reader's attention and makes them want to read on. The reader is wondering if the speaker will go out again or stay go indoors to stay. They will read to the last word to find out. The story is about someone who is startled by a flock of Loons. The conflict is well defined. There is no doubt about what is going on here. The characterization is fully developed and believable. The story concentrates on the speaker, and they come across a real person. There is only one piece of dialogue, and it is well done and realistic. The speaker speaks like a real person. The description is detailed and vivid. It puts the reader all the way into the story. I did come across one structural issue that needs your attention:




1)Faintly, I can hear a flapping sound, it gets louder by the second and my attention-There should be a comma after "second".

The story is consistent in terms of point of view and tense. You have accomplished a great deal in just a few words. Great job.