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 Review #4786674 |
 | War In The Clovers  [E] Written for the 48 Hour Short Story contest  |
| (4.0)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: That was a very sweet story. It was lovely to read how the children took care of the animals, even the grasshoppers who ordinarily don’t get much love. They also got on well with each other, which is also quite unusual as children usually argue a lot! Perhaps they do in real life, but in this story, they are seen helping each other without squabbling, which was nice. The youngest child even named all the animals which showed how close he felt to nature and the creatures that lived there. In the animal world, things were not going so well. The war between the rabbits and the grasshoppers sounded quite fierce, and there were lots of casualties. They did come together though when they found two of the little ones, one on each side, suddenly missing. It was at that point in the story when the readers realised why the rabbit was so distressed and where the little grasshopper had gone. Fortunately, the vet was able to fix the issue, and the children between them came up with a great idea to help everyone.  Suggestions: There were a number of typos that were a bit distracting. This is quite an old story and you’re probably not interested in editing it, but in case you are, I will list a few of them below: lives many little creatures “live” lady bugs, aunts, butterflies I’m guessing that was meant to say “ants”? the tar of this story “star”? large sucklent clovers “succulent” the rabbits and the grasshoppers was “were”. There were a few errors like this but I’m only mentioning it once. all surround areas “surrounding” there we signs “were” instead of “we” he doctor gently picked up Flex, and places the hyper scared bunny on the table. The story was written in past tense but here you suddenly switched to present tense. “Well, here you go.” The doctor said. You need a comma instead of the period after “go” as the sentence continues with a dialogue tag, and “the” should not be capitalised. (Also, you switched back to past tense here.) I also noticed that towards the end of the story, you had a bitem link to a seemingly unrelated item by another author. I’m guessing you were going to embed one of your pictures there but got the link wrong.  Final Thoughts: That looks like a long list but they are all just minor errors that are easy to fix. I thought the prompts for this contest were quite challenging but you managed to bring them all together in a nice story that was easy to read and quite uplifting. It’s not very often that I find such a fun, lighthearted story that makes me smile as I read. I’m glad I came across this tale!  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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