Hello, John German, aka johnnybewrite!


INITIAL IMPRESSION / OVERVIEW:

I enjoyed reading your "With the colors of fall" poem today. It's still technically fall here and I'm greatly enjoying the season and love poems like yours that celebrate it.

Your writing kept my interest piqued and I read straight through to the end.



MORE DETAILED FEEDBACK:

Happy Writing.Com Anniversary day and month! When I visited your portfolio this morning to wish you a happy anniversary, I poked around looking for something nice to review and found this lovely poem of yours. I hope you enjoy this review as a celebration of your time here and find the review uplifting and encouraging.

I could totally relate to this "With the colors of fall" poem of yours. It is definitely worth taking the time to go outside during this lovely season and admire the glorious colors of autumn.

I suspect that most nature lovers and outdoor enthusiasts could relate to this autumn-themed poem of yours.

My favorite line was: "Nature gathers again for autumn's commune," though I'm not sure why. I just liked it. Maybe because it's unique and expresses a lovely idea.

I thought you did a great job with the rhyming and that the rhymes lent a lyrical quality to your poem. I wondered if this was some kind of standard form poem or if you just made it up as you went along.

I didn't notice any spelling mistakes in your "With the colors of fall" poem.

I thought the nature genre you selected was appropriate for this poem of yours. If you wanted to add a third and change "other" to something else, a few possibilities include "biographical," "personal," and "experience."


IDEAS TO MAKE YOUR PIECE STRONGER:

In the spirit of helpfulness, I have two little suggestions to make your piece stronger. If you're interested in some constructive criticism, read on. But if you aren't, no worries. Just know that I enjoyed your piece and move on to the next section.

Still reading? You're brave! Yay for you!

The first is to watch out for repeated words. Sometimes, like in a refrain, it's create and intentional. In these two lines, however, I thought that a synonym might have been nicer to replace the use second "colors," especially because they are the first two lines of the poem. Right now it looks like this:
"The artistic views of the colors of fall,
More amber-like colors have begun for all."

If you chose a synonym, perhaps "hues" or "tones," for example (definitely check a thesaurus), it would give more variety and maybe you could even find one that is alliterative with something in the line.

For this suggestion, I think it's just the adding of an apostrophe at the end of "leaves" to show possession (it's their colors). Right now the line looks like this:
"The moist leaves colors glisten off the rainfall,"

If you were to make my suggested change (do check a grammar book to be sure, of course, I'm not an expert), the sentence would look like this:
"The moist leaves' colors glisten off the rainfall,"

As with any review, please take what serves you and release or ignore what doesn't.


CONCLUSION:

I enjoyed reading your "With the colors of fall" poem, and think it's a lovely way to celebrate this beautiful season.

Thank you for sharing your time, creativity, heart, experiences, and writing with the Writing.Com community!

Once again, happy anniversary day and month! I hope the year ahead is filled with blessings and joy for you!

May love, joy and peace be yours in abundance!
PWheeler










Positive Hearts
A Review from: "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" 




My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .