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Review #4787249
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The Magical Dragon and the Wishes Open in new Window. [ASR]
A little girl goes to the attic to find an egg, which hatches and out comes a dragon.
by Angelica Weatherby-Star on top Author Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Hi Angelica Weatherby-Star on top Author Icon,

This review was written on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" Open in new Window. for Week 47 of "I Write in 2024" Open in new Window..

Disclaimer


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group with which they are affiliated. These are only the opinions and suggestions of the reviewer, and they are given solely for the purpose of being helpful.


What I liked:

*Bulletv* I loved Marley! He is so cute. I really like the flash of light and bright colours associated with him. It is all very magical and uplifting.

*Bulletv* The different take on the genie in a bottle works really nicely. I wasn't expecting the three wishes that Sandy was granted. I liked them though, and I was eager to discover what she would wish for. I thought she might waste her wishes and come to regret it, but actually, the opposite happened.

*Bulletv* I loved how Marley said that, because Sandy had used her last wish on a selfless wish, she could probably have three more. What a great moral; that it is best to do things for others whenever we can.


Suggestions:

I did wonder how old Sandy is. She seems to be a kid, judging by her first two wishes. But this made me wonder where her parents are, and why she is at home alone. I also have a couple of gramatical suggestions. Firstly, "But then, again, the temperature was just right for a lizard to thrive." The first comma should be before then, not after. Also, you could reword this to be a little smoother: "On the place where the egg was was a dragon!" The two wases are a bit much. You could fix it by changing the second one to "stood."


Parting comments:

I enjoyed your story. I think the character of Marley is fabulous, and I fell in love with him, I'll be honest. I liked the wishes that Sandy chose, and I really hope she gets to play her flute. Nice work.


Choconut

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