%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4787489 |
 | I Dare You  [ASR] A long day's journey under pressure.  |
| (5.0)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: Ah, the power of the dare! It’s impossible to get out of it once those words are uttered, as the narrator in this story experienced. Because it was written in first person, it read like a true story, and the readers immediately rooted for the narrator who stubbornly stood up to his frenemy and accepted the dare. He didn’t end up regretting it as such - the alternative was to be mocked, and he would never allow Danny to do that - but he did have a tough time with the task. I liked how you described Joe’s struggle. It’s not a situation I have ever been in (nor will most of the other readers, I suspect!) but you made it easy to imagine what was going on and how he felt. His thoughts, quite understandably, went in strange directions, like when he suddenly wondered if the culvert might collapse or if there might be rats or snakes. He stayed remarkably calm, or rather, he forced himself to stay calm because panicking wouldn’t have helped, and in the end he was victorious.  Suggestions: After I read the comment on your review page that you are good at spotting typos, I didn’t expect to find any technical errors in this story, and I didn’t. You didn’t even slip up on the tense changes between the present story and the flashbacks, which I find quite difficult to do. So I’m going to use this space to point out a couple of passages that I thought were particularly well done: I gulp hot July air as though it were the breath of springtime. That’s a beautiful line and it shows the relief he felt at that point very well. I wouldn’t wish this agony on my worst enemy. In that one line, you summed up Joe’s feelings for Danny because at that point, it was clear how the story would end, and the last line put the icing on the cake. The readers will be quite satisfied with the ending!  Final Thoughts: I’m not a fan of sound effects in stories, and you opened with the noise of a truck passing on the highway over Joe as he crawled through the culvert. I have to admit though that it worked, because once I knew what that sound was, I found the words you chose to describe it were spot on. I liked the structure of the tale as well, the flashbacks that filled in the blanks and told the readers how Joe ended up in this situation. There was a generous measure of self deprecation as he knew that he talked himself into this dilemma, but also a sense of knowing that he had to stand up to Danny. He was a well-rounded and very likeable character. I enjoyed the read!  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
|
|||
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
A Review from: "
You responded to this review 11/29/2024 @ 1:25pm EST