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 Review #4787779 |
 | A Bummer Day  [13+] It may be a bummer day, but it's also a day of discoveries.  |
| (5.0)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: That was a very sweet tale. One of the genres you chose for this tale is ‘experience’ so I assume this is a true story or at least based on true events. The narrator comes across as very likeable. He is starting to get interested in girls, and his neighbour has taken his interest. The way he sees her is nicely done and the details are excellent. I loved this line when she looked at him and her blue eyes trapped me - that’s a beautiful description and so very true, as anyone who has ever been in that position could confirm. He notices other things besides her eyes as well, and you described very tastefully but truthfully how he looked at her. She didn’t exactly dislike him either and encouraged his attention, even asked for his opinion on her looks at the end, which she rewarded with a kiss (his first, no doubt). So it turned out not to be such a bad day after all.  Suggestions: The story was very well written and I only noticed a couple of tiny errors: stuck in cardboard box I think there might be a word missing, “in the cardboard box”? It’s steel tip clanged “Its”, without the apostrophe.  Final Thoughts: The beginning showed a lot about the narrator’s character as he was practicing with his new bow, apparently making slow progress but determined to learn. It was also a great introduction to the girl who wasn’t afraid to give it a go and laughed when she found it difficult, not embarrassed or angry but simply shrugging it off. I could see both characters in a longer story that might build on the start you have here - I think their budding romance would lend itself to that, although you have a well rounded tale here that doesn’t need expanding. I especially enjoyed the tone of the story and the way you made it easy to picture the scene, the gentle romance that was budding between the two characters and their eye-rolling annoyance when his mother showed up. A great read!  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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A Review from: "
You responded to this review 11/30/2024 @ 1:20pm EST