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Review #4790131
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Rated: | (4.5)
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Greetings and welcome to writing.com!

This came highly recommended by a friend of mine, and I’m on the hunt for holiday themed items, so here I am *BigSmile*

At first I didn’t know what to expect from the title and subtitle, since the term “noir” in my limited experience usually means a story where everyone is killed off. I almost didn’t want to find out the ending, but as I went along I suspected it wasn’t going to end the way I feared. I considered perhaps the main character was there to rescue the lady from something, which would have redeemed the situation in a way differently from how it worked out in your own words. This was a creative and tense read, as we analyze the situation and try to piece together the main character’s motivations and what he’s up to. It would make a good movie.

You have a great writing style, using ingenious, colorful metaphors which heighten the tension right from the opening words. The narrator’s voice comes through well. (I would suggest rating this 13+ or 18+ for language, though it’s almost negligible. That would also add to the tension as we wouldn’t know how much “unpleasantness” there might be.)

Now, for the twiddly details. This is in desperate need of a proofreading, as I noticed several misspelled words scattered throughout. Paragraphing is also a basic requirement for flow and ease of reading, especially when on a mobile device, as I had a few moments where I couldn’t tell who had just spoken. Just a few simple tweaks and tidying up will work wonders for your portfolio here, especially if you intend to stay and add new content regularly. I’d love to see more from you.

Take care, thanks for sharing and keep writing *Smile* *HeartT*


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