%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4791147 |
 | The Last Toothpick  [E] Closing tally  |
| (4.0)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: A very sweet story, and sad as these tales ultimately are. They got to spend a lifetime together after that first chance encounter and the debate about the last toothpick. The characterisation was excellent and it was easy for the readers to imagine them, especially the main character who came across very well. You introduced him by saying how his brain worked and where he got his obsession with numbers from, and then proceeded to explain why that became unimportant when he met her. I especially liked the way they complemented each other with their different interests and strengths and how that made his life better.  Suggestions: The story was very polished and I only noticed one error: It's more informal , may I call you Beck? There shouldn’t be a space before the comma; it should sit directly after “informal”. But I believe that comma should be a semicolon or a period as the second part of the sentence is a complete question. Personally, I think a period would work best. And I have one suggestion: You started the story by talking about what “he” was doing and only introduced him by name in the second paragraph. That caused me to wonder if there were two different people for a moment until it became clear. I would recommend naming him right in the first sentence to avoid confusion and to make sure the readers know who “he” is.  Final Thoughts: The ending was heartbreaking, when he noticed the indentations on the chairs where they had sat side by side for years, and reached for the toothpick. Earlier, he had remembered their first touch and compared it to the last, and now he knew that could never happen again. It was a sad ending but it was quite clear that they had enjoyed their life together. A good read!  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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