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 Review #4791498 |
 | Understanding  [18+] One of the guys was going to get left out.  |
| (4.5)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: I didn’t see that coming! I thought it was strange that Mrs. Bowers would walk away and leave the teenagers alone, knowing what they would be doing, especially as none of them were of age, and I was going to comment on that. I didn’t even get it when Mr. Bowers started shouting because for a moment, I thought he was yelling at the kids, but then it all came together. It was actually all very nicely set up. The main character was interesting. His relationship with his sister seemed very good, which can’t be said about all siblings, but he saw her as somewhat of a role model in whose footsteps he could follow, being that she was a year older than him. They were both part of the same friendship group, and this was where the dilemma came in with one person being left out. Both felt bad that someone would be left out, at least at first until they spotted Ricky that one night.  Suggestions: The story was very polished and I only noticed a couple of typos: Liz was a year older then me. “than” The dam thing was like a puzzle. “damn”  Final Thoughts: The main character asked an important question right at the beginning which was nicely done to pique the readers’ interest without giving too much away. To me, it also seemed to imply guilt, which later became clear because he called his sister to witness what Ricky got up to that night. Had he not done that, she might have chosen him, which meant that he would have been with her. All of this was quite understated, and while I appreciated that you didn’t spoon feed the answers to the readers, I think you missed a trick here. I felt that the main character’s emotions could have come across more clearly, especially at the end when he realised what had happened. This isn’t a new story and the contest it was written for is long over so you might not be interested in edits, but if you are, I think that is an area that could be improved. Other than that, I thought this was a very good tale and I enjoyed the read.  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 12/23/2024 @ 4:16pm EST