%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4791692 |
 | Claude and Geneva  [13+] My Dec. Short Shots Contest Entry  |
| (4.0)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: A lovely Christmas story. The main character never gave up hope because she believed in him, even if she didn’t believe in herself. She gave up on her own dreams and settled for a life that wasn’t what she wanted, although it sounded like she made a go of it and created something quite beautiful for others to enjoy at least. But there was something else she wanted more, and she waited for five years until it finally happened. It was interesting that at first she didn’t recognise him because however much she hoped, she didn’t really think it was going to happen. I wonder if now that she has found him, she is going to start writing poetry again. After all, he never stopped believing in her and is likely to encourage her. He even quoted an old poem of hers that only he would remember even though it wasn’t very good, but to him, it was meaningful. I felt I got to know the characters a little in this tale, although especially Claude could have done with a bit more detail. It seemed odd that he would leave her for five years without a word and I got the feeling that there was more to the story than you told here. As this was written for the official ‘Short Shots’ contest, you only used half of the word limit and as the contest is long over, it might be a good idea to flesh out the characters - if you are still interested in editing the story, that is.  Suggestions: I noticed a few small errors: by the park ,as The comma needs to go right after “park” without the space. as she always did on Christmas Eve. Claude always said The repetition of “always” was quite noticeable here and I would suggest omitting one of them. You could say something like, “Claude had said…” to avoid using “always” twice. She had love interests fade and out of her life The sentence didn’t seem quite right; there seemed to be a word missing. “fade in and out”, maybe? Although I’m not sure that “fade in” is the right expression. she needed to chose another vocation Just a typo, “choose”. but the she loved Omit “the”. My Dear.” He replied. The sentence continues with a dialogue tag after the speech so you need a comma instead of the period and a lowercase letter in “he”. “I need to see this bookstore I’ve read so much about in Paris,” he flanks her face with his hands. The story was written in past tense but you suddenly switched to present tense here. Also, you intended the part after the speech to be the dialogue tag but you are combining the dialogue with a description of action. You either need a period instead of the comma and start a new sentence with “He”, or reword it slightly to make it a proper dialogue tag, for example: “I need to see this bookstore I’ve read so much about in Paris,” he said, flanking her face with his hands.  Final Thoughts: I liked that the story had a happy ending. It could have gone either way and the cloaked figure might have been someone to tell her he died or had married someone else, or perhaps even someone who wanted to harm her. Fortunately for her, that wasn’t the case and her patience paid off. It’s a nice romantic story and a good read for this season.  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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You responded to this review 12/24/2024 @ 8:29am EST