%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4792803 |
 | Christmas Ghosts  [E] Memories of Christmases Past  |
| (4.0)| Gifting Pebbles | Things I Loved  This story deals with a lot of strong emotions in a very short space which is commendable—nostalgia, loneliness, love, and loss. The narrator's reflection on past Christmases and his desire to connect with someone during the holidays felt both genuine and relatable. I know I can certainly empathize with that. I wasn't feeling very festive this Christmas at all and many people I've spoken with have felt the same. Feelings of loneliness and isolation can be especially difficult during the holiday season. The narrator struggles with addiction, the love he has for his family and the isolation he feels from them, and his ongoing grief. It's a lot for one person to handle without reaching a breaking point. And that created a realistic quality to his character. By giving him a complex swath of emotions, it made him more well-rounded and three dimensional rather than coming across as a stock character. The descriptions created a warm, intimate setting for a Christmas story which contrasted beautifully with the underlying sadness of the story. The dialogue between the narrator and Emma is heartfelt which makes the reveal at the end all the more soul-crushing. Their exchange showed the affection and lingering connection between them while also foreshadowing the ending. The twist ending was a nice touch. Although I had some guess as to what was going to happen because of the story title, it was still a punch to the gut. Loss is never easy. And this was a good capstone on the narrator's emotional journey.Iceberg of Ideas | Suggestions I think the twist ending could be made more impactful if you used more foreshadowing. I'd suggest subtle things. Like maybe the narrator hesitates while making the hot chocolate because he's unsure if he should set out one mug or two. Little details like that, while seemingly insignificant and inconsequential, can add up together to make the ending revelation that much more climactic and emotionally devastating. The story's conflict is almost entirely internal. And that's perfectly fine. As I've mentioned above, the complex array of emotions is a nice touch. However, I'd suggest adding a subtle external conflict—such as his daughter calling him during the scene—to inject the story with some contrasting tension to reinforce the isolation the narrator is experiencing internally. The tension and emotional descriptions are done well. I'd suggest adding some more sensory details to ground the scene for readers. Perhaps describe the smell of the hot chocolate, the way Emma's touch warms his heart but is cool on his skin (another example of subtle foreshadowing), or even the flickering of the lights on the Christmas tree. Little descriptive details like those mentioned could deepen reader immersion. And in a piece with such an emotional twist at the end, you want your readers deeply entrenched in the narrative so they experience it right alongside the narrator. Colony Consensus | Overall Impression This story is a heartfelt exploration of grief, nostalgia, and the enduring power of love. The narrator is made to handle a complex range of emotions with sensitivity and grace. The story moves us through the narrator's cathartic emotional journey at a nice pace and the twist ending leaves a lasting impression. It makes us reflect on our own losses and memories of those we hold dear. It's an emotionally rich narrative. With some tweaks to the source of conflict, sprinkling in some foreshadowing, and giving readers more descriptive offerings, this story will really shine bright like a star atop the Christmas tree. This is a holiday story that can beautifully capture the complexities of what it is to love and to lose someone. Keep writing and don't forget to save a seat for Emma next year!  Belly-Slide Scale of Enjoyment | Rating  Waddling with style!
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You responded to this review 12/31/2024 @ 9:26pm EST