The following is my humble feedback on your work:-

The Language: Smooth and easy to understand. I have a few suggestions (unsure whether I am qualified to give this to a high caliber writer that you are).


The Plot: Fully confirms to the 'dark' genre which you ascribe to the story. I won't give more away because that would destroy the suspense. I wish more readers read this.


What I enjoyed? What a thrilling story! What compelling descriptions! Your description of the town, of the bookstore, of the main characters are all par excellence. The image that accompanies the story is stunning and sultry. The end is so very unexpected.



Friendly Suggestions: I found some of the sentences are long. You might want to shorten them. Consider, the examples below:-

You write: Instead, he found fluffy tales of riches and romance, celebrity cook books, oodles of self help drivel, and fiction with the same tired regurgitated plots.

Suggestion: Do you really need to mention four topics? Just mentioning two would suffice or considering splitting into a couple of sentences.

You write: A roof over your head, good food in your stomach, three thousand dollars a month salary and the opportunity to spend the predicted worst winter in three decades in the company of an arrogant, caustic ass that will keep your perfect brows arching and your delectable lips quirking."


Suggestion: Would we really use such long sentences in a conversation? One might just say three thousand dollars a month salary and the opportunity to spend the predicted worst winter in three decades in the company of an arrogant, caustic ass.

Again, these suggestions are given with all humility. I come from a different culture and might not be the right person to advise on how conversations might actually pan out in your part of the world.


I give a 5 rating to all stories I review so as to not diminish the appeal of your story for other readers. But, your story richly deserves the 5 rating.