\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4794333
Review #4794333
Viewing a review of:
 
Image Protector
The Sandwich Saboteurs Open in new Window. [E]
The Joe Trilogy, book 1. About electronics, explosions, and useless conversation.
by Charles Nasby Author Icon
Credit this reviewer
#4794333
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
Greetings, Charles!

Good grief, what a rollickingly absurd and glorious story! I loved it! I'll try to break down what I liked so much so I don't go rambling all over...

Characters: you have the perfect "everyman" type with Joe, the average tech geek who has some unusually awful bad luck with tech gear. His interactions with the world around him are so introverted, I can really identify. I love the scene where he's chilling in a corner of the meeting with his teacup and a good book, ignoring everyone *Laugh* His coworkers are ingenious, so typical and yet so creatively done. Rob with the magic abilities, Greg the exasperated boss, Fred the guy with the rich auntie... They're a scrappy bunch, but somehow they get their mission accomplished through bungling and barfing. Joe's habit of saying "fair" to stave off conflict reminds me of the gentle ways of the Strange Planet creatures.

Premise: The idea of a tech nerd being hounded by saboteurs throughout his life is absurd, approached with enough sympathetic humor that we can't take it seriously enough to be alarmed by the death and blowing up of stuff which eventually ensues. I was prepared for a miserable ending, because I've seen other "everyman" stories where the poor fellow gets hurled through a "series of unfortunate events," and they can be pretty depressing and pointless. This, though, had a larger message of friendship and teamwork by the time it arrived at the end. I'm really looking forward to Joe's further adventures.

Setting: the real world, complete with name dropping and geography, is perfect. You've set up such a relatable situation, with all that malfunctioning tech and the little details carefully woven together, from the butter to the flashbacks of Joe's childhood. You keep us hanging, unsure of what's going on from moment to moment and reading excitedly to see what happens next. The moment where he was reading the feelings of the guy at the showdown shows how empathetic Joe is; I was hollering at him that he's overlaying his own feelings and not to fall for his own soft spot...

Ok, I do need to give you a couple of suggestions. First, you should make the font larger. I know this will throw off the careful tapering of Joe's moans of shock, but a little twiddling will help. I always recommend Size 4 Verdana for ease of reading.
Then, I highly recommend choosing two more genres for the item. Technology and Crime/Gangster would be good, unless you want to give away the lighthearted side and add Comedy as one. This will help people find it when browsing, and also allow the opportunity to be nominated for as many Quill Awards as possible.

You may want to check the scenes where they're at the auntie's house and make sure you didn't confuse Fred and Greg somewhere along there.

A word count at the top would also be a great idea to let us know what we're in for.

Your writing style is brilliant; this comes across like an office sitcom collided with Mad Max. I really enjoyed it and can't wait for the next installment.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!Open in new Window..
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 01/10/2025 @ 10:20pm EST
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4794333