%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4794481 |
 | Whose Magic?  [E] What happens when an illusionist meets a real person with magic  |
| (4.0)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: When I started reading, I thought the narrator was the illusionist and the person he met was the magician. The way you set this up allowed for a nice twist about half-way through the story when it suddenly became clear that it was the other way around. He didn’t so much want to learn magic but learn to control it. What wasn’t explained was how he happened to have real magic. I suppose the description hinted at this being speculative fiction but most of the story could have passed for realistic fiction, so a bit of backstory to explain would have been useful. The narrator came across very well and I felt I understood his emotions by the end of the story. He wanted to be a member of the Magic Castle, which seemed a rather lowly ambition for a real wizard, but he had a nervous disposition and I suppose in time, once he learned to control his gift, he would be able to put it to better use. Or perhaps this was all he ever wanted and he will be happy with it.  Suggestions: The first thing I want to mention is the lack of paragraph breaks. It makes the story difficult to read so I would recommend a blank line between the paragraphs, or at least indent the first line of each paragraph. Also, in some of the paragraphs you have both characters acting and speaking. You need a new paragraph every time someone else speaks. I also noticed some punctuation issues, for example here: It just comes" my head drooped I need to know how to control it" I didn't realize "I don't believe you;" He turned around There should be a period at the end of the dialogue and in the first example, the new sentence should begin with a capital letter in “My”. Not in a longshot. I believe the phrase is, “Not by a long shot”. I decided to go to the meet and greet I had for all the others. I wasn’t sure if there is a word missing (“like I had for all the others”) or if you meant for this to be two sentences, in which case you need a period after “greet”. "Then take me on as an apprentice. I'll be here every weekend to learn (I live in another state). The parentheses can’t be heard in dialogue so I would suggest simply making that part a new sentence. There should also be speech marks at the end of the dialogue. I learned everything sleight-of-hand, illusion, I would probably put a colon after “everything” to introduce the list of things he learned. :"Correct," There is a stray colon at the beginning of that sentence.  Final Thoughts: That looks like a long list but they are all just minor issues. The plot was quite original and I especially liked that it wasn’t immediately obvious who was real and who was fake - it made the story quite intriguing. The narrator came a long way in this tale; not only did he manage to control his magic but he also found the confidence to embrace his gift and do what he always wanted to do. If you spend some time fixing the technical aspects, I think you have a good story here.  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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