The story had me hooked with quoting a verse from Amos. Amos is my favorite of the “minor” prophets, inasmuch as he’s a regular working man spreading God’s message. This dovetails nicely with Willie’s narratives.

There are a few things that I feel interfere with the best telling of that narrative.

First, a lot of the sentences contain extraneous verbiage. For example, at the beginning, when introducing the abbreviation for field engineers (FE), you write:

As field engineers, FEs, as the term goes in short,

Right above that, when introducing the abbreviation MRI, you simply write:

Magnetic Resonance Imaging (MRI)

Why not do the same with Field engineers (FEs).

My suggestion would be to go back and see where you can excise words. Also, you have a lot of run on sentences. Take a look at some of your sentences and see if the flow would work better if you broke them down to two or three sentences.

I would also look at your use (or non-use) of determiners. For example, you write “Back in the 1979,” which should simply be “Back in 1979.”

Another thing that should be looked at is making sure that verb tenses agree with each other, especially in the same sentence. Also, I would go back and look at things such as uniform paragraph spacing and complete encapsulation of dialogue with quotation marks. These are little things, but enough little things disrupt the effective telling of a narrative.

As I said earlier, I love that your narrative begins with Amos 3:7. I don’t see the need to quote it twice, so close to the beginning. I would get rid of one of them.

Finally, I appreciate the narrative ending with Willie’s salvation, and him pondering what he needs to next. (I would quote Matthew 28:16-20 to Willie!) However, i should somehow “enshrine” the moment of salvation. Cut it down to the bare bone facts, to make clear that Willie’s acceptance of Divine Grace and Mercy was the watershed moment in his life.

I did enjoy your narrative ending with Willie’s spirit singing, and the selection of that particular song was apropos.

The story was good, but with proper editing, it could be great.