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 Review #4796163 |
 | Wanya's Day  [ASR] A forest elf in the city.  |
| (4.5)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: This story took an unexpected turn! I had anticipated a funny tale of some mishap or other experienced by someone who had no knowledge of the city, but that’s not what this was. There was no indication that the elf didn’t know her way around the city. She might not have liked it, being used to the forest, but she knew the different kinds of creatures that she would meet there, and she knew how to stand up to them. The beginning was interesting, and you described very well how she felt about a world that was quite different from her own. You used all the senses to describe her discomfort, like how she was being blinded by the bright lights or how the heat was making her sweat when she couldn’t find any shade. Those observations were nicely done and reflected how someone would feel who lives in the forest - at least that is what I would imagine.  Suggestions: The story was well written but I do have a couple of suggestions: beads of perspiration were trickling down Wanya's brow. She stopped for a moment to wipe her brow The repetition of “brow” was quite noticeable here as the two were so close together, and I would suggest replacing one of them with a different word. a blinding flash of of light Just a repeated word, “of”.  Final Thoughts: It seems I completely misjudged the main character. I had imagined a little creature who was frightened of the big city and felt out of her depth, but it turned out that she was quite capable of looking after herself and cold-blooded in her defence. The way she chuckled to herself at the end was quite chilling. The note at the end explained which contests this was written for, but I wonder if it is part of a longer story because it seemed there was more to this character than this short tale let on. You did a good job with the ‘no dialogue’ requirement. Quite often, it is noticeable that the dialogue is missing, but I didn’t feel that here; it all seemed quite natural. A good story!  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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A Review from: "
You responded to this review 01/22/2025 @ 6:48am EST