Hello, PiriPica aka Pernille!


INITIAL IMPRESSION / OVERVIEW:

I enjoyed reading your "How It Starts" poem every time I read it, including today.

Your writing kept me riveted and I read straight through to the end.



MORE DETAILED FEEDBACK:

Happy Writing.Com Anniversary day and month! I read this "How It Starts" poem of yours sometime in the past and enjoyed it, but didn't have time to review it right then, so I flagged it for an anniversary review (meaning I saved the link to it in a special "January" file. ). I hope you enjoy this review as a celebration of your time here and find the review uplifting and encouraging.

Your poem conveys the feeling of worry building, and growing, and starting to suffocate a person very well.

I thought the free verse style was a good fit for the message of your poem.

My favorite line was "if they have air, then air is here," because it showed how one tries to talk oneself out of worry with logic. It can work sometimes. I also liked the in line rhyme.

I thought you did a great job with the prompt for that round of the Whatever Contest. I should ask Jody if she'd mind if I ran one like it. Kind of whatever, whenever lol. I doubt I could be as generous as she is with rewards, but it might be nice to have something random going. Lilli has a random pop up poetry contest too though. Probably it won't run during Quill season, but I'm mighty busy then too so I guess I'll just wait it out. If you wanted to run one, maybe you could ask one of them? No pressure at all, I do this free-thinking reviewing thing, and we're friends from the news feed and your participation in Habit Heroes, so you get a little more free-thinking random thoughts in your reviews than a stranger would.

I didn't notice any spelling mistakes in your "How It Starts" poem.

I appreciated that you included information on the challenge, even though I think I entered it along with you, and that you reminded me what the prompt was that round and even linked to the contest. I think that's a helpful and nice thing to do for your readers.

I thought the psychology, personal, and health genres you selected for this poem were a perfect match for it.


IDEAS TO MAKE YOUR PIECE STRONGER:

In the spirit of helpfulness, and because of the requirements of a new reviewing challenge I joined recently, I have one little suggestion to make your piece stronger. If you're interested in some constructive criticism, read on. But if you aren't, no worries. Just know that I enjoyed your piece and move on to the next section.

Still reading? You're brave! Yay for you!

The best thing (two things, for one line, really) I can think of to improve this poem would be to add some punctuation between the two phrases in this line, and also to add a period at the end of the line:

"there is no air there is no air"

No punctuation does kind of add to the feeling of panic, but the rest of the poem is punctuated well, so I think having a comma or something in between would help. I'll make the change as a sample for you. Here's what it would look like if you accepted my suggestion:

"there is no air, there is no air."

As with any review, please take what serves you and release or ignore what doesn't.


CONCLUSION:

I enjoyed reading your "How It Starts" poem, and empathized with your sentiments that you expressed in it. Worry is an insidious thing.

Thank you for sharing your time, creativity, heart, experiences, and writing with the Writing.Com community!

Once again, happy anniversary day and month! I hope the year ahead is filled with blessings and joy for you!

May love, joy and peace be yours in abundance during this New Year, your anniversary month, and always!

PWheeler










Positive Hearts
A Review from: "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" 




The B.E.A.R. Fund


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .