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Review #4796453
Viewing a review of:
 The Key Part V Open in new Window. [13+]
Jessica tries to get her father to a hospital and Morgan has a new problem.
by Dorianne Author Icon
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#4796453
Review of The Key Part V  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Greetings, Dorianne!

I found this chapter using the Random Read and Review Button, so I have no clue what's going on or how this melodrama ends *Smile*

You've brought us into the middle of an exciting soap opera, showing two seemingly unrelated and action-packed scenes which leave us hanging. The characterization seems a bit weak, leaning on cliche descriptive words and trite circumstances to bring stories which feel like bits and pieces from an old Unshackled broadcast.

Of course we feel concerned about these people we've never heard of before, who seem to be going through so much. Yet it all seems a bit amateurish and simplistic, especially with the tagline at the end. You could expand on each scene to show us a little more context, but I assume you've broken it up into brief chapters.

I would recommend... Well, it's hard for me to make suggestions about modifying your writing style because I personally work from a very instinctive basis, but I can tell it needs a bit of refinement. Perhaps what the issue is, is that you're inspired by what you see in movies and TV. Perhaps you should read more books to see how people transfer these exciting events from the screens in their minds to the written word.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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