\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4796724
Review #4796724
Viewing a review of:
 
Image Protector
The Portrait  Open in new Window. [E]
A six year old's dream of being a Flamenco dancer
by Dragonfly Author Icon
Review of The Portrait  Open in new Window.
Review by Tiggy Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Access:  Public | Hide Review (?)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" Open in new Window.*CakeP*




*PenB* First Impressions:

A very sweet story. The little girl got her inspiration from a portrait of a flamenco dancer whom she admired, and she wanted nothing more than to dance herself. She had vivid memories of seeing the dancer perform on stage, which she remembered every time she looked at the portrait. The memories are very detailed, and even a reader with little or no knowledge of flamenco dancing will be able to picture what you were describing. In the girl's mind, it became her who was doing the dancing, and she imagined herself being adored by the audience. She enjoyed those moments so much that she didn’t mind waiting for her friend and hated being rudely torn out of her reverie when she was ready to go.


*PenG* Suggestions:

I noticed a few small errors:

The portrait was set in an, intricately carved, golden painted wood frame.
I don’t think there should be a comma after “an”.

spot light, which was shinning directly on Carmela
Just a typo, “shining”.

yet an great excitement
That should be “a” instead of “an”.

her black high healed leather boots
stomping the heals of her cool flamenco boots
“heeled” and “heels”.

Each step bringing that music to life.
That’s not a complete sentence. You could either combine it with the previous sentence using a comma, or change “bringing” to “brought”. Personally, I would go for the second option as the previous sentence is already quite long.

dancing across the room in a one circular motion
Just an unnecessary word, “a”.

she could swear that Carmela, would be smiling
Again, I don’t think you need that comma.


*PenP* Final Thoughts:

The ending with the imagined encouragement from the other dancer was nicely done. I felt I got to know the little girl quite well in this tale. Her head was full of dreams but she found something she was really interested in and pictured herself succeeding at it, and with that kind of confidence, I have no doubt that she would one day get there. A nice story!




A super power image

*SuitHeart* A Review from: "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" Open in new Window. *SuitHeart*

This review is affiliated with The B.E.A.R. Fund Open in new Window., a community project that let's you earn exclusive merit badges just by reviewing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
   *CheckG* You responded to this review 01/25/2025 @ 9:17am EST
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/my_feedback/action/view/id/4796724