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Review #4797885
Viewing a review of:
 Unseen Open in new Window. [E]
She didn't notice...
by Fyn Author Icon
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#4797885
Review of Unseen  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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Greetings, Fyn!

I'm here as a fellow member of the PPC5 challenge.
It's always a delight seeing how we approach the prompts uniquely. You've given yours a sadness which I appreciate, as a quick glance at the pretty flowers offered as the prompt might lead one to create only the most trite of poetry.

Not so here, as you set out a situation like a detective story in words which almost feel metaphorical, especially when you write about feeding the fire, as if the person you're discussing fed it with their soul. The scene is well painted, with a heartfelt sense of misunderstanding at the end when we see the touching consideration the other person missed.

A line count is always important when doing the PPC5, as Lilli needs to see if you've got 12 lines. I can't seem to count them well on mobile, which is one of the annoying things about online poetry; even when one cuts the line, it's hard to tell where exactly it ends when a longer sentence runs across the screen and down the other side.

Aside from this little note, I think this is a perfect vignette capturing something which reminds me of a forlorn love song.

Take care, thanks for sharing, and keep writing *HeartT*


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