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 Review #4798120 |
 | Dandelion Run  [13+] She didn't think she'd reclaim her running spirit. He wondered if he'd ever see her again.  |
| (4.5)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: The way the two characters were talking to each other, I figured they were an old married couple. They were getting annoyed with each other and knew exactly which buttons to press. Then you threw in the bit about the two single beds which made me wonder if they were good friends on the verge of dating. It was only later that their relationship status became clear, and it explained why they were so familiar with each other (and why the single beds were important). The chemistry between them worked great to move the story along - I’m a runner but a story purely about running wouldn’t have been as interesting as this tale about two people who are also running. It made me wonder what happened between them. Maura made a cryptic comment about not choosing to leave which made me think their breakup was his fault, but you left the readers to reach their own conclusion.  Suggestions: The story was very polished and I didn’t notice any errors, but I do have one small suggestion: "Don't get too comfy," Maura admonished. "But the bed's so comfy," Rob whined. The repetition of “comfy” was quite noticeable here and I wasn’t sure if it was done on purpose, but I would suggest replacing one of them.  Final Thoughts: I assume this was a contest entry because of the words in bold, so the readers can see what the prompt was but you didn’t say which contest it was. (I would always recommend putting a link to the contest at the bottom.) You used the words well, and especially the repeated mention of “dandelion” was nicely done. They went from an irritant to a gift which may have been meant to annoy her or a nice gesture, to something that connected the couple. I liked those two; they seemed well suited and the ending suggested that they might give their relationship another chance. I enjoyed the read!    A Review from: "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" This review is affiliated with The B.E.A.R. Fund , a community project that let's you earn exclusive merit badges just by reviewing! My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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