Hello Geirr ,

This flash fiction story raises more questions than it answers. Who is Jim talking to? What is he trying to buy? Why are seven figures too much? Although the story never answers these questions, it feels just like a slice of life taken out of a random zoo visit. I feel like a visitor who keeps running into this son and father duo, witnessing how distracted the father is.

There are a couple of spelling issues that I have highlighted below.

brining into question bringing

open area of Blackbears no need to capitalize black bears

I suggest that you use your intro line (the one below the title) to give information about the story rather than just mention that it is flash fiction.

I also suggest that you use the three given genres. Right now, you have "none." I think "Experience," "Gangster," and "Animal" could work. They aren't the best ones, but at least they would drive some more reader traffic your way.

The indents and new paragraphs are good, but the line spacing seems very tight. You could leave a little more space between those lines that are together.

Fun story. Makes me worried for Jim.



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .