Hey Chy.

"Oh me, oh my, I'll give life another try" - This was sharp turn. And I mean that in a good way. The opening line made me think of all the nonsense rhymes I've made up with my kids, which made me feel kind of relaxed and then suddenly there's a line that has this very dark undertone of a life having gone so wrong giving it "another try" is not a given. Maybe it was just me, but that difference between the first two lines worked really well to hook me.

"Untangling my arms from the layers of algae, I shucked the gloves and put them aside. The dangling spindles of bean and cucumber plants trailed over my shoulders" - As always, your descriptions are excellent.

"The science station's hallway was narrow and precise." - "Precise" seems like an odd word choice. I had this feeling of not an inch being wasted, but I'm not sure that's really what you meant, because the next line of description didn't seem to build on that.

"Sometimes I forgot I had keen senses to use. [...] She didn't react to my sudden appearance; my swiftness was nothing new to her." - I get the feeling the MC isn't exactly human. To be fair, having read the previous stories in the collection might be part of that, but if I'm right, I also think these bits of description are excellent. They hint quite clearly at this non-humanness without stating anything directly. So, yeah, once again, you have the whole show-don't-tell down to perfection.

"This man—the one who lived in this room—he had a lot to say about you..." - Uh, might this man be the pilot "The One" and the MC some future version of the ship? Now you've really made me curious as to how the stories connect.

"This would be the only time it made sense for a damn vampire to be the life support officer." - Of course, there had to be a vampire story. I did not see this one coming. I really like the reason for having a vampire on board a space ship, though. Makes perfect sense.

"It was the only name I'd ever had that mattered. And I only realized how much it meant to me now, when it sounded like she was going to take it away from me." - Ouch. I love the way you phrase this. It says so much about the two characters' relationship and how much it means to the MC.

"They should not have come for me like they did." - Uh, I can guess what will happen next. Really nice twist, though!
("I didn't just turn life support off" - I was right )


Overall
This story felt so close to being perfect, and I wish I had some way of phrasing what I felt like was missing, but I'm not really sure I know myself. But I do mean it is so very close, because I really enjoyed it.

Honestly, I was kind of surprised to realize at the end, that most of the story had been one long reveal of a mystery that had barely been introduced. To my mind, that sort of thing shouldn't really work as a story, but it had me hooked all the way through. I think it was because it worked so well on an emotional level. With bit of information/backstory, you also deepened the characters' relationship and made them feel more and more real and loveable, to the point where it almost hurt to realize that the MC might have ruined their friendship. Maybe that's also where I felt the story needed a little tweaking, because after the conflict starts, the human very quickly dissolves some of the tension. Maybe building the drama a bit more beforehand would give the ending more of a punch.

And now that I'm writing it, I think that punch in the end would really make the story perfect to me. It was almost there. There was strong emotional impact, and then it just lacked that final "umph", if you know what I mean?

Again, I wish I could put it more precisely, but there's just nagging bit that says, almost... so close. I hope you can use my rambling, even I'm not quite sure what I'm trying to say, because I really loved this story, and I would really like to see what would happen with one or two minor tweaks.



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .