%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4810375 |
 | The Long Night  [13+] A story of revenge  |
| (4.5)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: I can’t say that I felt bad for the main character in this story. He wasn’t just selfish, he killed his partner for the gold, and now he got his comeuppance. It felt he earned it, and he knew it too - the way he checked for demons before mounting his horse suggests that he felt guilty. That’s not to say he wasn’t a great character, on the contrary. He was the kind of guy readers love to hate. Before he eventually died from his injuries (since no one was going to find him, that was a given) he would have a night of horror in the company of his ghostly partner, who wasn’t likely going to give him an easy ride. What I liked best about the story was that you didn’t over-explain things. You pointed the readers in the right direction but then let them do some of the work connecting the dots, which ensures that they stay engaged so they don’t miss anything. For example the small pile of stones near the beginning. You could have said what they were, but there was no need as the attentive reader could work it out.  Suggestions: I noticed a few technical errors: Kneeling down he pulled out a flask of whisky and took a drag. I believe there should be a comma after ‘down’. Also, I would associate ‘taking a drag’ with smoking rather than drinking. ...took a swig might work better. “How are you doing today Sammy?” You need a comma after ‘today’ to set off the direct address. a good thing considering Sammy’s last words Again, I think there should be a comma after ‘thing’. A rung broke and he fell the remaining twenty feet. The impact breaking of both his legs. The second sentence is a fragment and I would suggest combining it with the first one. Also, it read a little awkward. Maybe omit ‘of’? “Who’s there!” he shouted Even though he shouted this, it’s a question so you need a question mark instead of the exclamation mark. The cold wrap itself around him. Just a tense change, ‘wrapped’.  Final Thoughts: Despite the tight word limit, you managed to provide a setting that was easy to imagine. The story was atmospheric and eerie, and “Boo.” was a perfectly timed and chilly punchline which brought back the earlier threat about ghosts. The title of the story became clear in the last line, which was also a fitting ending to the tale. A great read!    A Review from: "Positive Hearts Reviews Group" This review is affiliated with The B.E.A.R. Fund , a community project that let's you earn exclusive merit badges just by reviewing! My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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