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 Review #4810679 |
 | You Can Sleep While I Drive  [18+] 2nd Place winner (May 2009 Short Shots Contest)  |
| (5.0)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: The opening scene punched me in the gut. You didn’t waste time with introductions - that came later - but with the first line, you dropped the readers straight into chaos. I only know medical jargon from television and movies, but to me, what was going on seemed very realistic, and more than that, the overlapping voices and the sharp technical language provided almost a kind of beat, like the attempt to restart her heart. The transition to the next scene was seamless, with a little aside about how It wasn't supposed to end this way, and suddenly there was silence, with a girl sneaking out of her parents’ house, worried about creaking floorboards. Lara and Nuel’s love story was beautifully told - they were both young and innocent, they didn’t mean to hurt anyone but they wanted to be together. The readers can forgive them their naivety because they can’t help but feel for the young couple. And the ending… it’s tragic but almost feels inevitable, like Romeo and Juliet with CPR.  Suggestions: This is where I usually point out technical errors or awkward sentences, but try as I might, I couldn’t find a single thing wrong with this story. So instead, I’m going to talk about something that I thought was particularly well done: The recurring lines. There were a couple that were repeated, only with different meanings. The first time, they were said when the young people were on their way to start their new life together, the second time when their lives had ended. I thought that was poignant but also oddly comforting, like nothing bad could happen because they still felt the same.  Final Thoughts: The ending was bittersweet as the young couple got to walk, hand in hand, to whatever came next for them. Lara was a great character. She saw everything, the pain she caused her parents, the issues they had with her relationship - in fact, it seemed that some of the censure came from herself when she described the issues with the age gap between them at their age. The back and forth between the sections of the story, the clinical and the emotional parts, worked very well and was almost poetic. Overall, this was a great read, and if I could give it more than five stars, I would.   A Review from: "Positive Hearts Reviews Group"  My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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