Hello Damon Nomad,

my name is Tiggy and I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest" . Thanks for entering! Please bear in mind that my comments and suggestions are only my opinion. Other reviewers might see it differently.


First Impression:

It was about half way through when I figured out what the two scientists were working on, when the professor asked if they wanted to watch the test and the narrator couldn’t understand why they wouldn’t. He kept saying that Saul was smarter than he was, and it seemed that Saul had no difficulties seeing how the devil was in the details of this particular project. You used the prompt very well to come up with a chilling tale. The plot was believable and not just because it was based on a true event. I could imagine the scientists doing their work, not knowing what it would eventually be used for.

The mood changed as the story developed. At first, they were excited about their success, even though Saul had some doubts from the start. They both took pride in their work and were pleased when they succeeded. Later, their success turned sour, for Saul more than the narrator, but even he admitted at the end that he wasn’t proud of the role he played.

The dialogue between the two scientists was very natural, and the descriptions made it easy to picture the setting and the characters. I could imagine their emotions, both good and bad, and they had their individual voices and mannerisms.


Suggestions:

The story was very polished and I only noticed two potential errors:

Galileo tried for heresy
There might be a word missing. Was that meant to say, Galileo was tried for heresy?

"He said I am become death, the destroyer of worlds."
I think that would work better if the part he was quoting was in quotation marks. "He said, ‘I am become death, the destroyer of worlds.’"


Final Thoughts:

I can imagine that many of the scientists working on this would have felt this way. The famous quote indicates as much, but anyone who witnessed what was to follow must have felt a little uneasy about the part they played, and that came across very well in this story. I thought that perhaps the narrator’s change of heart happened a little quickly, or perhaps it was just one sentence that sounded like it did - My excitement turned to dark sadness. - when really it was a longer thought process that preceded this change. But that’s just a small quibble. Overall, this was an excellent story and I enjoyed the read.