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 Review #4816363 |
 | SuperNova Afterglow Spews Embers of Time  [18+] All that remains: in afterlife as 'mainstream' blogger, with what little I know. 20k views  |
| Hello, Brian! I'm here with a review for "I Write in 2025" What I Liked I loved the tone you used in this poem. It was sort of a gloomy piece, dwelling on passing time and fading memories, but it also had this uplifted joyful-like feel to it as I read your words. I loved the repetition of the word, "soft." Using different forms of the words as well as using the word in itself to represent different meaning was a nice touch. It added that poetic element of repetition, but it didn't seem forced and fit the piece nicely. Form/Structure/Flow This was free verse and I thought it flowed nicely. All of your lines either contain 6 or 7 syllables, which I think helps with the flow of the reading process. However, your last line, can’t recall, and nothing to boast, contains 8 syllables. I feel like it would read even smoother if you omitted that "and" to maintain the same fluidity throughout the piece. Your AABB rhyme scheme worked nicely with this poem. Your word choices were nice and didn't feel like they were forced at all. Emotion This poem was very emotional. Seeming to be from the perspective of someone aging, it almost seems as if they're mourning all that they've lost as they have gotten older, even feeling the memories of those things and people disappearing as well. It started off with sort of a melancholic feel to it which slowly transitioned into a more somber tone in the second stanza. I liked the transition. I also thought the last line was pretty sad, in a good way. As the narrator is facing the consequences of a forgetful aging brain, he admits there wasn't much to "boast" about anyway. Grammar/Typos Maybe some commas that could be replaced with semicolons. Such as in: laughter ringing, sunset gleams, I think a semicolon would work better as those two fragments act as independent thoughts. Or, even an emdash—I probably overuse emdashes in most of my poetry. Other than that, didn't notice anything that glared at me Overall I thought this was a great poem. Nice and short, but detailed in a lot of ways that some longer poems would fail to do. I love the metaphors like the breeze and risen ghosts, which made me think of someone getting random glimpses of old memories as they slowly lose them. Nice work. Thanks for sharing!
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