%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4818149 |
A Stay-at-Home Mom's Salvation  [ASR] A Writing Mom's Mission Statement  |
| (4.0)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: This reads like a story that could be true. I gather from your bio that you are not the stay-at-home mother in this tale, but maybe you were writing about someone you knew. Every mother, even those who don’t have five children, will be able to relate to parts of this tale. The little cherubs can be challenging at times, and just because they are old enough so you can reason with them, doesn’t mean they will actually be reasoned with. The mother in this story experienced that on a daily basis, and I liked the opening paragraph which put the readers right in the middle of the action. The teenagers didn’t do anything out of the ordinary - siblings rarely get along, at least not all the time, and I can’t even imagine what it must be like to have five boys with four of them being in their teens. The mother here handled the situation well, but I didn’t envy her. Her character was well-developed, and her frustration, resilience, and emotional growth were very believable.  Suggestions: I only have a couple of suggestions:  The middle part of the story felt a little slow. You told the readers a lot about the main character and her family backstory, but while it was informative, it slowed the pace. I would suggest weaving this more naturally into the narrative - rather than info-dumping, you could consider having the main character glancing at a photo in the hallway, her and her husband, high school sweethearts, smiling happily on their graduation day, before they had the five boys and the house became a battlefield. Something like that would mean you can still convey all the information the readers need to get a rounded picture of the characters, but it becomes part of the current story rather than being a different one. The transition from chaos to calm - the mother discovering writing, the boys behaving better, and the family dynamic improving - was told too quickly and neatly. I would suggest expanding this section to let readers feel the gradual change. Perhaps show a key moment: the first story she shares, the boys' reactions, or her husband noticing the shift.  Final Thoughts: The change came about when the main character discovered that she wasn’t just a wife and mother but a person in her own right, and she had a talent for something that not only made her happy but also helped the family to settle down and spend more time together. It was a touching story with an uplifting and hopeful conclusion, and I think it would be worth a bit of an edit to iron out some of the issues in the middle part and towards the end. I enjoyed the read!
|
|||
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "
You responded to this review 05/27/2025 @ 7:09pm EDT