%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4818876 |
 | Timeless Treasures  [13+] Where do people go when they 'vanish without a trace'?  |
| (5.0)  HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews"   First Impressions: That was quite a story! The tagline made me click on this because it sounded intriguing, but I wasn’t really sure what to expect. I would ordinarily suggest not starting a story with dialogue because the readers don’t know who is speaking, but here, it worked to pique my curiosity. The harmless old woman didn’t seem to pose a threat to the narrator, so he was happy to follow her into the store that he had never noticed before. Obviously that was a mistake; however, he didn’t panic when he found himself in this strange situation. So Carrie, the old woman from the 50s who had lured him into the store, was allowed to leave, and I assume she ended up in the narrator’s ‘when’. When the narrator tried to escape, he was looking at the old west. The young woman he tried to convince to enter - I wonder when she would have ended up. People got redistributed in time, which the narrator found preferable to being stuck in the store, but when you think about it, it’s even more horrific than it sounds. They were likely to have friends and families who would never find out what had happened to them - which brings us back to the tagline - as well as them having to adjust to living in a completely different time. I can’t begin to imagine what it must be like to suddenly find myself having to live the rest of my life in the old west!  Suggestions: The story was very well written. I didn’t notice any technical errors and I don’t have any other suggestions. I do have one question though: I didn’t get the significance of the narrator’s grandmother being in the same class at school as the old woman. For a moment, I thought that the people were chosen based on some connection that would become clear later, but that didn’t seem to be the case. The selection seemed to be random, or the narrator would have discovered that he also somehow knew Mr. Tie-Dye. I wasn’t sure if I had missed something or if this was just coincidence, and if that is the case, I would probably suggest omitting that part because it was a little misleading.  Final Thoughts: I assume that Carrie had been there since the 50s and had aged in that time just like she would have done outside. Mr. Tie-Dye was from the 60s or 70s. The narrator also saw display cases that were much older than that, like the Civil War, and since Carrie’s case disappeared when she finally got to leave, I’m guessing this means that some people had never managed to leave and had, in fact, died in that shop or while trying to escape. It would be interesting to know if Mr. Tie-Dye’s display case disappeared when he turned into a cloud of dust. Sorry, I’m rambling now but I’m finding it fascinating to think about the implications. It seems the narrator was quite lucky, assuming he would be able to persuade the young woman to take his place, as he had only been there for a few minutes. He would still be gone forever in his own time though, which gives the story a tragic feel despite his probable success. A very thought provoking story - I enjoyed the read!
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