Hi Marvelous Friend

I'm sending this review in connection with "I Write in 2025" .


Positives

I thought you did a great job with the theme and content of this piece. Acts 2 is such a formative piece of scripture for me (our former church spent nearly two years reading through the Book of Acts in its entirety and dissecting it), I read your piece and it instantly brought to mind so many of the moments from Acts as a whole, as well as how integral Acts 2 is to the idea of the modern church. Really well done!


Suggestions

While I know that the form "quatrain" can cover a lot of ground, structurally speaking, I found it a bit difficult to find a rhythm in reading this piece because each quatrain seems to vary slightly. For example, the first quatrain didn't have any lines with a perfect rhyme, while the second one was abcb. But then the third one was abCC. And the fourth was abab.

If the goal was to demonstrate the versatility of the quatrain form, you might want to articulate that a bit more in the notes at the bottom of the piece (i.e., that you're intentionally playing with the form), otherwise I might humbly suggest aiming for a more consistent rhythm or structure from quatrain to quatrain so that the reader's focus isn't pulled away from the content and toward trying to figure out what the internal structure of the poem is supposed to be.


Overall

Overall, I thought this was a really enjoyable item to read. I loved the contest and while I think there's a bit of improvement that could be made in execution, it doesn't change the fact that this was a very effective, engaging piece. Nice work!


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Respectfully,

Jeff
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" 



My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .