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Given: Jun 12, 2025 at 10:31pm
Length: 848 Characters |
848 w/o WritingML
An entity previously called, a new occupant dealing with it, finding evidence from an old occupant of its reality and how to banish it, then trying the ritual and it working. Almost. This is a standard horror trope, and you've delivered it well.
However, the story was all tell with very little show. We are told everything going on, but we have no real emotion in the tale. It is a series of things that happen. They make sense in context - even the notebook just being there would be almost like the previous owner wanted to help a future owner - but things just happened. There was no sense of Rainey's growing fear. It just felt frantic.
Technically, there are some issues with paragraph separation, either sentences after a carriage return or two speakers in one para.
So, an interesting look at an old trope. Good luck going forward.
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