Hello,

I can't see the point of this piece - you are just tweaking bible verses into your own plain prose, and taking away all the lovely, poetic language of the bible, which for me, is part of the charm. There is no insight here, just clumsy rewording.

The layout is confusing, with some verses referenced, and others not - also mixed in with your own thoughts...which is which? One example-

'Pity the one who falls and has no one to help him up.' - for me, god is advising us to reach out to one another, and be interdependent - but your thought here is 'If you find yourself in that situation; be silent, go within.' which is the opposite sentiment.

The verses seem to have no cohesion or relation to each other, making for a disjointed read, fabricated for the sake of rhyme.

I would keep it simple, take one verse, put it in context, and give your insights into its meaning - poetically, of course...

Good luck with the writing................Em






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