%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4824406 |
 | Marissa's Return C1  [18+] The emperor is concerned with his daughter being in Cyka,  |
| (3.5)| You posted your review request in "Review Central Plug Page" some time ago, so I thought I'd come and have a look! You're still technically a 'newbie' but your first account anniversary is coming up soon   First Impressions: This was the beginning of a story that seems to be quite complex. You have clearly given the world building a lot of thought, and the main character was a tragic figure. He was powerful yet emotionally torn, angry yet vulnerable, deeply flawed yet sympathetic. His dynamic with his advisor was very interesting as they spend most of this chapter discussing the realm’s issues. There is a dark, gothic mood - the eerie library, the grotesque staff, the candlelit shadows. It painted a vivid world of superstition, war, and scheming.  Suggestions:  I found the story a little hard to follow at times. Some of the sentences were long and convoluted, and I would suggest breaking them up to make the meaning a little clearer. For example this one: Shoving the plate away from himself, he looked at the table with with objects small statues of a bear standing on its hind feet, a hydra, a stallion, a tiger and a woman with her hands holding a dagger in them that represented the forces in the east who were facing the herectics and heathens in this region. There was a lot of back-and-forth dialogue that could be tightened. The conversation between Mica and Beletera circled around the same points multiple times without much progression. The setting was intriguing, but confusing. Names like Kyca, Cuca, Helter, Jarata, Juttest, Crea are mentioned without much explanation of who they are or how they relate to each other. Some context would help - I don’t mean an info dump at the start of the story, but perhaps you could weave some information into the dialogue so the readers can figure it out.  Final Thoughts: The story has the foundation of a fascinating dark fantasy drama - a tormented emperor, a rebellious daughter, political and supernatural threats, and a richly imagined world. It would benefit from an edit but I think it’s worth spending a little time tidying up some of the problem areas to make it more readable. You ended the chapter at a great place that is bound to make the readers want to read on to find out what would happen to the emperor, and I hope you continue writing this tale.
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