%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 Review #4851169 |
Return to the Lighthouse  [13+] Esther receives an assignment to return to Rockland - and the lighthouse.  |
| (4.5)  First Impressions:That was quite a long story but it flew by, and I didn’t realise that I was near the end and wouldn’t find out more about the mysterious lighthouse keeper! I’m just glad that I got confused last month when I thought it was the last Lodestar contest round, and there was in fact another instalment. I liked these two characters. There was a lot of chemistry between them, even if they, especially Esther, didn't really understand why. I was surprised at the mention of another man in her life at the beginning, someone she was obviously close to but who didn’t want to marry her. The explanation worked well, as did the hints there she might have a secret of her own. Damian’s secret was starting to become a little clearer. The sensory details were strong again in this chapter, especially during the scene when Damian was trying to find Esther after she was abducted - it showed a bit more about his abilities. The fight was well written and I found it easy to imagine how he made short work of the two henchmen to rescue Esther. He’s a great character and very likeable. Suggestions:The story was very polished, especially at the beginning. I noticed a few small errors later on, mainly missing words and missing commas: he’d come back to lighthouse “to the lighthouse” Jersey way was indeed soaked As it’s a street name, “Way” should be capitalised. Esther followed the conductor about after a minute Either “after a minute” or maybe “about a minute later”? Damian frowned not really caring There should be a comma after “frowned”. He said nothing noting her mater-of-fact tone of voice. Again, this needs a comma after “nothing”. And just a typo, “matter-of-fact”. a cup of tea and small cheese and cracker tray “and a small…” his heart beat just a faster in his chest “just a little faster” watched her walked off “walk off” Want me throw you across this room “to throw” She was terrified she would be have been hit in the face and how would she explain that her father? That sentence didn’t read quite right. I think it should be “she would have been hit”. There should be a comma after “face”, and “explain that to her father. Final Thoughts:I liked that Esther came across as quite strong in this story. She didn’t want to be on her own at the end, but she handled the kidnapping very well, and it suited her character that she expressed what she wanted from their relationship. The flashback earlier on to their previous adventure, helping to guide a smuggler’s fishing boat to shore, also told the readers a lot about her personality. Speaking from personal experience, she would be wasted as an accountant! But I have a feeling that she will probably give up that career path and spend more time with this lighthouse keeper, which will undoubtedly lead to more exciting events like that. Now, this really was the last round of the contest, but I hope that you will write more about these two characters. I would like to find out more about their secrets and I would like to see Damian visiting Esther in New York - I imagine him meeting her father would be quite interesting. I enjoyed this story!   My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
|
|||
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
Puzzle Hub
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
A review from "
You have not yet responded to this review.