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Comedy: May 17, 2006 Issue [#1034]

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Comedy


 This week:
  Edited by: Holly Jahangiri Author IconMail Icon
                             More Newsletters By This Editor  Open in new Window.

Table of Contents

1. About this Newsletter
2. A Word from our Sponsor
3. Letter from the Editor
4. Editor's Picks
5. A Word from Writing.Com
6. Ask & Answer
7. Removal instructions

About This Newsletter

When life lands a hammer blow in your face, do your best to respond to the hammer as if it had been a cream pie. Sometimes black humor is the only kind we can summon, but even dark laughter can sustain.

-- Dean Koontz


Bunny slippers remind me of who I am. You can't get a swelled head if you wear bunny slippers. You can't lose your sense of perspective and start acting like a star or a rich lady if you keep on wearing bunny slippers. Besides, bunny slippers give me confidence because they're so jaunty. They make a statement; they say, 'Nothing the world does to me can ever get me so far down that I can't be silly and frivolous.' If I died and found myself in Hell, I could endure the place if I had bunny slippers.

-- Dean Koontz




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Letter from the editor

When the Only Alternative to Tears is Laughter

It was May, 2001, and my mother was critically ill. Her hemoglobin had dropped to 4, I wrote in my journal. She kissed my dad goodbye and said she wasn't going to make it… at last word [her stats] were improving some. On the other hand, as my dad said, giving her blood is like putting oil in a car with an oil leak - and not being able to find or fix the leak.

My nerves were frayed, to put it mildly. Later, in the wee hours of the next morning, I wrote: There is a TARANTULA on my back porch! I was sitting out there reading - in my bare feet - and saw it hop up to the doormat. I thought it was a TOAD, and leaned in for a closer look. [S]haking, I grabbed a can of bug spray - and tried to beat it senseless. (Well, duhhhh - it's FLYING INSECT SPRAY, and useless against spiders!) That's breaking the rules, of course - the rules being that if a spider is outdoors, where it belongs, I normally leave it alone. I have some sense of fair play. But a spider as big as my hand violates some unwritten rule, somewhere, surely...

Never fear, crazy arachnophiles, I didn't succeed in beating it to a bloody, lifeless pulp. It jumped just a nanosecond before I whacked it into next Thursday. It's still out there, waiting... biding its time... along with the its friends, the copperheads. Now I'm sitting here, writing this, feeling creepy crawly imaginary things brushing lightly against my skin in the dark...

Oh, but it gets better. Just one week later, we were about to leave for a much-needed vacation in California and I came home to find my father-in-law face down on the dining room floor. He was fine, as it turned out; he had an upper respiratory infection and was too weak to stand up without help. He’s all better now. But at the time - let’s just say my mind had had about all it could handle. …if you doubt I'm on the edge now, I wrote, you should've heard the B-grade horror movie scream I let out last night… I was looking for a shoe, pulled the curtain back, and mistook [what I saw] for a (possibly live, possibly poisonous) SNAKE!! What was the name of the woman who made her fame and glory as "the screamer" for all those awful late-night horror movies? I had her all beat to hell, I swear! (I am NOT normally a screamer, truly I'm not. If I saw a mouse in the kitchen, I'd probably jump up and sit on the counter until I figured out how to trap and release it, or kill it, but I wouldn't SCREAM. [T]he only thing that rates this kind of screaming is a fully grown rattlesnake coiled up in a box held by your own child and shakin' his tail in the middle of your living room - certainly NOT a scrawny, dried-up, most-definitely-dead earthworm stretched out on the windowsill. Scared Katie witless, but J.J. wisely ignored me and went on making travel plan changes...

I didn’t try to help with the last-minute alterations in our itineraries, because after lunch at my favorite Vietnamese restaurant the next day, I opened my fortune cookie and read: “Any arrangements you make today will be final.”

Black Humor: Tasteless Comedy or Healthy Coping Mechanism?

In tragedy, the hero begins in a state of harmony with the world and those around him; as the drama progresses, he falls into a state of chaos and unhappiness. In comedy, the opposite is generally true: the hero begins in a state of chaos, thrown into improbable scenarios and heaped with exaggerated troubles - all likely to be resolved in a happy ending.

The purpose of comedy is simply to entertain the audience and make people laugh; its appeal is that it often goes a step further and lifts us out of our own sorrows, if only for a moment. So, is it any wonder that “black humor” (also known as “gallows humor” or “morbid humor”) has emerged as a subgenre of comedy?

Classic examples of black humor can be found in cemeteries everywhere. My mother’s favorite epitaph was “I told you I was sick!” Another classic is carved onto the tombstone of Lester Moore, a Wells-Fargo Co. station agent for Naco, Arizona in the cowboy days of the 1880's. He's buried in the Boot Hill Cemetery in Tombstone, Arizona:

Here lies Lester Moore
Four slugs from a .44
No Les No More.

(from “Funny Epitaphs,” Jo’s Front Porch. Jo Autrey [http://www.usroots.com/~jautrey/genealogy/genpoems/epitaphs.htm; last accessed on May 8, 2006]

Stressed out over the thought of global nuclear annihilation? Thumb your nose at it. Laugh. If the very thought of making fun of such terrible, horrific topics turns your stomach, then maybe black humor’s not for you - but, back in 1959, Tom Lehrer relieved some of the stress (while making some sobering observations on the futility of nuclear war) with this little ditty:

We Will All Go Together When We Go
Tom Lehrer
(Listen to the tune as you read: http://www.casualhacker.net/tom.lehrer/midi/allgo.mid )

When you attend a funeral,
It is sad to think that sooner or
Later those you love will do the same for you.
And you may have thought it tragic,
Not to mention other adjec-
Tives, to think of all the weeping they will do.
But don't you worry.
No more ashes, no more sackcloth.
And an armband made of black cloth
Will some day never more adorn a sleeve.
For if the bomb that drops on you
Gets your friends and neighbors too,
There'll be nobody left behind to grieve.

And we will all go together when we go.
What a comforting fact that is to know.
Universal bereavement,
An inspiring achievement,
Yes, we all will go together when we go.
We will all go together when we go.
All suffused with an incandescent glow.
No one will have the endurance
To collect on his insurance,
Lloyd's of London will be loaded when they go.

Oh we will all fry together when we fry.
We'll be French-fried potatoes by and by.
There will be no more misery
When the world is our rotisserie,
Yes, we will all fry together when we fry.

Down by the old maelstrom,
There'll be a storm before the calm.

And we will all bake together when we bake.
There'll be nobody present at the wake.
With complete participation
In that grand incineration,
Nearly three billion hunks of well-done steak.

Oh we will all char together when we char.
And let there be no moaning of the bar.
Just sing out a
te deum
When you see that I.C.B.M.,
And the party will be “come as you are.”

Oh we will all burn together when we burn.
There'll be no need to stand and wait your turn.
When it's time for the fallout
And saint peter calls us all out,
We'll just drop our agendas and adjourn.

You will all go directly to your respective Valhallas.
Go directly, do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollah's.

And we will all go together when we go.
Ev'ry Hottenhot and ev'ry Eskimo.
When the air becomes Uranious,
And we will all go simultaneous.
Yes we all will go together
When we all go together,
Yes we all will go together when we go.

Some days, there’s a fine line between laughter and tears. If given a choice, I prefer laughter. It really is the best medicine.




Editor's Picks

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#1004615 by Not Available.

I empathize with this one. Leaning to find the humor in raising a teenager to adulthood is the only way to hang onto whatever shred of sanity still clings beneath our squinched-shut eyelids, some days.

 The Black Guppy Open in new Window. (13+)
A story I wrote for English. It is my version of Edgar Allen Poe's Black Cat.
#969922 by Spyder Author IconMail Icon

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#652960 by Not Available.

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This item number is not valid.
#999257 by Not Available.

Mr. Smith retains his composure and decorum, even in death.

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This item number is not valid.
#1095541 by Not Available.

Lobelia is truly blessed Author IconMail Icon writes, Rarely does a contest fit the comedy genre, unless it is specifically a comedy contest. But this one isn't! It's funny in its own right- so even if you aren't looking to enter, you need to read this contest write-up for some chuckles. Oh, and send the poor guy some GP's!

Sadly, this contest looks like it was tailor made…for me. Thanks for recommending it!

 Wanted: Open in new Window. (13+)
The comical yet real life of a Dog Handler
#1098529 by LoVe ThEm DoGs! Author IconMail Icon

LoVe ThEm DoGs! Author IconMail Icon writes, I don't know how you do it, but every single one of your Comedy newsletter brings light and humor to my life! Thanks!

A very short piece, but I did have to laugh - if only all employers were so honest when advertising job openings!



 
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Ask & Answer



Great newsletter! I personally believe the parody is the highest form of comedy, and all of your "Editor's Picks" certainly proved my point! Keep up the great work!

Thank you!


scribbler Author IconMail Icon writes:

First off that was a fantastic parody of the BEP song, my humps. And being a teenager, I think I hold a little authority over pop culture right now. It was funny, silly, and completely in sync with the actual song. On an other note, one of my favourite parodies is a song you can find online called emo kid by Adam and Andrew. It is hilarious and the perfect parody for all emo songs. I suggest everyone check it out. :] Great newsletter.

*Laugh* I can’t tell you what a relief it was to read the feedback and find out I hadn’t made a colossal fool of myself with that song. And to get an “expert opinion” is even better! I found Adam and Andrew at http://www.myspace.com/adamandandrew. Oh, they nailed it, didn’t they? I like “Rap Sucks,” too. (Warning: Adam and Andrew’s lyrics are explicit. Funny, but not for everyone.)


billwilcox writes:

Holly,

I am sending you a personalized self-lomotomy kit. A couple of quick whacks and you'll be as right as rain...

I’m forwarding this to Adam and Andrew (see above). I think they could use it even more. But thanks! Always looking out for me, aren’t you Bill? (Better be looking out for me, Bill.)


karabu writes:

Thanks for all the giggles!

My mom loves telling the story of when I was 3 an would take a bite of my donut then run to the mirror. I thought that "Donuts make your brown eyes blue." Am I dating myself with that song...?

I'm not familiar with the Black eyed pea song, but I loved your lyrics! Fun!

Dating yourself? I can think of worse dates. ::snicker:: Oh, dear, yes - I loved that song! It’s just as well that mondegreen never occurred to me - I’d have eaten the local Krispy Kreme out of all their stock. (I was the sort of kid who’d swallow watermelon seeds just to see if I could grow one in my tummy!)


newmeadowuno writes:

Gloria Estefan wrote a funny mondegreen on her hit, "Coming Out of the Dark," "Mugged in Central Park."

I wrote a parody to Paul Simon's "Fifty Ways to Lose Your Lover," called "Fifty Ways to Lose Your Blubber."

I wonder how many parodies there are of Paul Simon’s hit “Fifty Ways to Lose Your Lover”? (In searching for them, I ran across this: http://www.math.utep.edu/Faculty/lesser/Mathemusician.html - who knew mathematicians were so funny? Hmm…Tom Lehrer’s a math professor, too, come to think of it.) There’s fifty ways to: lose your luggage, get through law school, piss off PETA, leave your planet, lose your blubber, lose your something-that-rhymes-with-blubber, love your liver, hose your code, leave your bunker, save the planet, and so on (for these lyrics and more, just Google "fifty ways to" "parody" "lyrics").



My kids used to listen to My Humps all the time....My Books fit nicely, I was singing it!! I think I like your version better!!
Great newsletter

Thanks! It’s a catchy tune, isn’t it? First time I heard it, I just rolled my eyes. Next thing I knew, I was singing along in the car…with the windows rolled down!


windac writes:

Excellent issue Jessiebelle! You put a lot of time and effort into it, and it shows. Well done!

Thank you!


schipperke writes:

I used to think the priest at my Catholic Church was saying, "Lord of the mice" instead of "The Body of Christ" when he gave out communion when I was a child.

I never knew there was a word for it!

Bet that made it hard to take communion! *Laugh*


Theday Author IconMail Icon writes:

One of the best issues of any newsletter for quite some time : D good work!

Thank you! I’m glad you enjoyed it.


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