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I was all set up to write an action/adventure newsletter getting into some specifics of story craft. Then two nights ago – bam! My hubs put on a movie that committed some cardinal sins of storytelling. It was so bad, in fact, I left ¾ of the way through demanding a refund of my 75 minutes.
I was informed there was a “no returns, no refunds, no rain checks” policy in The Home Theatre. That’s what I get for buying the cheap seats.
I’m going to keep this is as vague as possible. I’m not even go to mention the movie. I believe that would be unfair to anyone who wants to experience it for themselves. So, don’t worry, there’s no spoilers. I want to do spoilers and save you 90 minutes of your life, but not everyone will hold the same opinion as mine, I’m sure.
Full disclosure: this was not an action/adventure movie, but it's the kind of disaster that can happen in any genre. As a slow burner, it had multiple options for endings, and it blew all of them. I came up with at least three better resolutions. When I realized there was going to be zero payoff, I bailed. I looked over and said, "this is ending one of four ways":
1. Everyone dies in the lamest way possible (and I explained that way, but telling you would be a spoiler).
2. One whacks the other, but the other fights back, everyone still dies.
3. Bears.
4. Mystery person who has no business being there appears for the ending just to tick me off.
“Bears” is my way of saying something involving animals, but the animals behave in a way that is either completely unlikely, patently false, or so rare that I’m not buying it.
This movie, in all its wisdom, decided to do a combination of something I brought up during the movie in one of my moments of frustration, #3 AND #4.
To add insult to injury #4 also involved twins.
Is your audience a joke to you, Mr. Storyteller?
The Test Audience of Two
After the hubs informed me of the ending, I gave him my alternates. He agreed the movie wasn’t that great and picked the ending he though would have been the most satisfying – which effectively had the same resolution as the original movie, only in a way that made far more sense.
Go figure.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m in a story drought, and I would never have come up with the concept of the whole thing on my own. Plus, I was really enjoying it for about 25 minutes, until the first writing sin was committed.
Your character is too stupid to live.
When you create a character who is perhaps a bit naïve, you really need to know who your audience is. This was not a child or a teenager making this decision. This was a mature adult who obviously came from a rough background. Yet when presented with an option – and clearly walking through all the potential negatives of said option so the audience knows what an absolutely stupid idea this is – you decide that is the correct course of action. You leave us asking “why, why would you do that?”
Assuming we can right ourselves enough to get behind this – even though another character has demonstrated that they also know your MC is too stupid to live – the next move is to ensure smart decisions are made from thereon out. Right? The redemption of overcoming the dumb move. But, no, not here. Let us continue with the silly choices.
The Outcome was Obvious.
If you pay close attention to the first 15 minutes of the movie, once the fateful decision is made, you already know the ending. Or, part of the ending, anyway. It’s one of those, “when someone shows you who they are, believe them” moments. And in case you missed that moment, you get another metaphorical moment about 10 minutes after the first – and it’s so on the nose it’s impossible to overlook. It’s a dog-eat-dog world, kids. And if that also wasn’t clear enough, we’ll bonk you on the noggin’ for good measure.
Twins? Really?
Enough with the twins already. Even though this trope has been done to death, it did have a marginal twist (I guess) and provided another excellent opportunity for our MC to make a really dumb choice. He actually makes two choices here, neither of them good, but only one that was spectacularly irritating.
But not to be outdone, the writer ensured our irritation tanks were filled up by using the other twin for closure – only the closure made little sense. Even if we made the assumption the twin knew what was going on, there were so many more satisfying ways to go about it.
I’m not talking happily-ever-after endings, either. A couple of mine were depth-of-despair ambiguity if you let them brew in your head long enough. A few were more pointed, but still satisfying. Instead, we’re left with a mess of a movie and an annoying ending.
Meh.
I suppose, for what it’s worth, that the acting was not subpar. The actors made the most of what they were given, and they took the material seriously. If anything, the story is probably worse than I think it is, because the actors elevated the material.
As writers, though, we have to remember that we don’t have a live-action embodiment of the character to save our story. The reader must render them in their imagination; there’s no elevating what we’ve given them to work with on the page.
No matter what the genre, characters often make bad decisions that force them into situations. Either they begin there, end up there and get out, or end up there and the ending isn’t happy. I’m all for the non-happy ending, even if it occasionally crushes my soul.
But please, if all of these things are present in your story, ask yourself how your reader is going to view your character. Because trust me, it’s beyond frustrating. This would have been a DNF novel at 25%, and I, plus many other readers, wouldn’t be keen on picking up another offering.
Be nice to your readers – give us the benefit of the doubt that we’re smart enough to pick up clues (or at least enjoy connecting the dots later), that we can handle an unpalatable ending if it’s believable, and that we are not going to follow your MC into the depths of ridiculousness just for the sake of it. Give us a reason to enjoy your story instead of rewriting our own versions that make more sense.
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Action/Adventure: April 06, 2022 Issue [#11301]
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